Respond to the following with clear, concise statements and without any explanation or justification for your behavior.

  1. This is what I did wrong or this is what I did that hurt you.
  2. This is the pain that I believe I put you through because of what I did.
    • Ask Holy Spirit, “Please let me see and feel the pain that I brought to this person.”
    • Ask the other person for feedback:
      • Did I identify and understand the pain you went through?
      • Is there something else that I missed that would be good for me to know?
  3. This is how I feel about putting you through that pain. Or this is what I feel for you right now as I understand the pain I put you through.
  4. It is my sincere desire, to seek God's help, to do all I can, to change this behavior and not bring this pain into your life again.
    • If needed, commit to developing a plan to do whatever is necessary to change your behavior patterns.
  5. Look at the other person and ask them, "Can you forgive me for this pain I have put you through or this wrong I have done to you?"


*Note: If you go through this exercise with empty words and do not follow through with sincere and diligent effort to change, you will only succeed in disappointing the other person again and betraying his/her trust in you.