Our marriage had not gone well over time. My wife had suffered much before we met and once we married everything changed to protect her from me. Even when I did the right things it was not perceived that way. I survived this for about 12-15 years before breaking down. Over the last 2 years my wife has found the healing she needed to attempt to make our marriage work and did so, but I could not find it in me to reciprocate. Over the last 6 months I became more and more convinced of the need for something radical if we were going to overcome this. I signed us up for LAM and then put us first on the spirit connection list to receive ministry.
I was desperate, and so very scared I could hardly sleep that night. Our spirit connection broke open my ability to see success, my ability to not only forgive and reconcile but dream again of a marriage where I liked my wife. All the extra stuff like sex and teamwork was changed, but mostly it was about seeing a future for us. I can look into my wife’s eyes and not look away. I feel like I am home around her which has never happened for more than a few minutes at a time. I have also felt pulled into my place as a father and feel that has already changed my emotions in ways that I wasn’t prepared for, so that is what I will be working on next!
-A LAM Husband