When we take things personally, we open ourselves up to the spirit of offense. Offense prevents us from responding to situations from God’s perspective. Whether it comes from someone speaking the truth in love or from someone mistreating us, offense leads to the same negative outcome.
Taking things personally and becoming offended keeps us focused on ourselves.
A few months ago, I encountered a man who had agreed to support Lori and me on a project. However, soon afterward, he turned against us and caused us a great deal of trouble. I had forgiven him and honestly didn’t hold a grudge. Nevertheless, the Lord spoke these words to me: “To react to another person based on the way they have treated you, good or bad, is self-centeredness.”
In other words, if my focus is on my personal feelings, I will react negatively to those who have treated me poorly and respond positively to those who have treated me well. I will view the world entirely through the lens of how it affects me, which is a self-centered approach. I am responding to the world in a completely natural, fleshly way. As a result, everything becomes personal to me, making me more susceptible to being easily offended.
Jesus interacted with everyone as the Father desired, never on a personal feeling level. Today, much of our culture assumes that offending another person is wrong and should be stopped or punished. This mindset fosters division and undermines the blessings that come from forgiving those who have wronged us, regardless of whether they deserve it.
One thing I’ve learned that helps me fully forgive the painful situations that have deeply affected me is to think beyond myself and consider the Kingdom of God. I find it much easier to forgive, pray for, and bless someone who has wronged or offended me when I reflect on how forgiveness benefits the Kingdom of God in the world, even if it never directly benefits me. From that Kingdom perspective, I can wholeheartedly say, “I forgive you, and I want God to bless you for His sake.”
While perfectly representing the Father to the world, Jesus frequently said and did things that caused offense. Here are just a few instances where the offense was not taken personally.
In Matthew 15:22-25, Jesus compared the Syrophoenician woman to a dog while she was desperately crying out for Him to heal her demon-possessed daughter. Her humble refusal to take offense earned her the label of having “great faith.” She is one of only two people in the Gospels to whom Jesus ascribed that exceptional label.
In John 6, Jesus addresses the people sincerely yet symbolically about the necessity of eating His flesh and drinking His blood. Many of His disciples could not handle these words. They became offended and left Him. Immediately afterward, Jesus turned to His twelve disciples and said, “Do you also want to go away?” He could have easily clarified that He was not speaking literally, but He did nothing to alleviate their confusion or inner conflict. If they had allowed themselves to be offended like many others had, their role as Jesus’ disciples would have ended, and we might not have read another word about them in the Bible.
In Matthew 16, when Peter responded empathetically to Jesus’ announcement that He was soon to suffer many things, be killed, and rise on the third day, Jesus said, “Get behind me, Satan!” He made no effort to comfort Peter or soften those harsh words. Hearing those words in the presence of the other apostles must have stung deeply. Peter could have easily felt offended and harbored resentment towards Jesus, but instead, he humbled himself and remained loyal.
In all of these situations, refusing to take personal offense was essential for maintaining a relationship with Jesus and receiving all the truth and grace He came to bring.
Even though offense may be publicly preached against, we Christians too often take offense when wronged and join in the offense of others instead of calling each other to the higher standard that Jesus and the apostles established for us. Jesus said in Luke 6:27-28, “…love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 4:12-13, “…when we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure; when we are slandered, we try to conciliate…”
It is easy to discuss and admire the all-conquering attitudes of Jesus and His Apostles after being filled with the Spirit, as well as many early leaders of the Christian Church. However, emulating those attitudes becomes extremely challenging when someone offends us. We must consider how to stimulate one another to this kind of love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24
My desire is for all of us to go further in our Christ-likeness and “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14
Please pray with me.
Heavenly Father, Your Son, Jesus, came to reveal Your nature to us as He obeyed every word and deed You showed Him, even when people treated Him hatefully in return. Please grant us the grace to cultivate this Godly attitude that prioritizes Your ways over our personal feelings.